Hard to Say I'm Sorry

Hey darling,
Just wanna let you know
How sorry I am
For everything today... n the way I've been

I don't know why it's so hard to say
"I'm sorry" sometimes
Pride gets in the way
And makes things worse

But I'd rather feel
Really sorry deep down
Than to blurt out the words
When I don't mean it

There are things I wish you would change
And things you wish I would change
But that's not what love is
That's not to unconditionally love

Love is to voluntarily willing
To change without pressure
And to be a better person each day
For the one you love

I chose you and so
I'm gonna stick by you
Through thick and thin
Through happy and sad

You chose me and so
You accept all that I am
With all my flaws
And my not-so-good ways of expressing myself

Maybe it's right
that love is not enough
But with love,
Anything is possible

With true love I believe
We can conquer anything
Face any danger
Resolve all differences

Just wanna let you know
How sorry I am
For being a bitch
And for hurting you

It's funny how
We always argue
And end up hurting each other
When we're apart

We're so far away from each other
But life has thrown us together
To share a fate that nobody knows
We can only do our best

So I'm gonna try to be better
A better person for you and me
I'm gonna try harder
Because "us" means so much to me

I promise I'll do my best
To keep my ego down
And try not to hurt you
Because I love you

100% by Mathilda... Monday, May 2, 2005... 8.30 PM

The Way You Love Me

I miss you already
Never thought I'd be this sappy
Never thought I'd feel
The way I'm feelin right now

Never been hit this hard
Never felt this way before
I used to feel so careless
And content with the way life was

Now I’m feeling lonely
And it’s only been a few hours
Since you left my side
And now I feel weird

I love your smell
I love the way you hold me
I love the way you tease me
I love everything about you and me

The way we can talk about anything
Without feeling awkward
The way we fight about everything
And always end up in each other’s arms

I love the way you make me
Feel like I’m the most beautiful princess
In the whole wide world
And that no one else matters to you, but me

I love the way you make me
Feel special every second we’re together
I love the way you treat me
Like I’m yours forever

I love the way you don’t care
About anything but us at the present
Though you sometimes worry
Of what the future holds for us

I love the way you handle
My not-so-good attitudes
And the way you can always make me
Blush until I go purple

I miss you already
Though you’ve only been gone a few hours
I miss you in a thousand ways
I feel incomplete without you

I miss the way I feel
So comfortable when I’m with you
So free when I’m with you
Cuz you love me unconditionally

It’s true what they say
You don’t know what you’ve got
Until you say goodbye
And then comes the “If only I’d…”

If only I’d been less harsh
If only I’d been more loving
If only I’d been more cheerful
If only I was more expressive…

But you know that no matter what
It’s worth the pain
And no matter what
You know I love you

I miss your kiss
I miss your touch
I miss you holding me tight
And never let go

I miss you gently pulling my hair
And playfully kicking my ass
And smudged my make up
And pulled me close to you

I miss you telling me
What a bitch I am
And me telling you
What an asshole you are

I miss your smell
I miss you irritating me
I miss you making fun of me
And then say “But I love you nonetheless”

I love the way you
Let me know how much you love me
I love the way you love me
Simply for being me

I love how I can be myself
And not worry about nothing
And talk about anything
When I’m with you

So this is how it feels
To know deep down
That no one will ever love me
As much as you love me

The way I feel so safe
And taken care of
And that nothing can go wrong
When I’m with you

I miss you letting me win
Sometimes when we argue
Just to shut me up
And then proves me wrong

I miss you in a thousand ways
I want us to last forever
And I want to love you
Like you love me

100% by Mathilda... Tues, April 26, 2005. 9.42 pm

A-Z of S O U L M A T E S

Accept you as you are.
Build history together.
Cherish being best friends.
Dream big dreams.
Enrich, comfort, and delight.
Fall in love over and over again.
Grow forever memories.
Honor feelings and needs.
Invite you into their hearts.
Just call to say 'I love you'.
Know when something's up.
Litter love and laughter daily.
Multiply joys and divide sorrows.
Nurture each other's souls.
Overcome adversity together.
Pick you up when you are down.
Quickly kiss and make up.
Remind you of your greatness.
Smile when they think of you.
Thrive on shared trust.
Understand when to just listen.
Value independence and interdependence.
Walk with you when others walk away.
Xperience ups and downs together.
Yearn to support your dreams.
get Zany together.

-Meiji Stewart

D E S I D E R A T A

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
And remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly & clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull & ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud & aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain & bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing future of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity & disenchantment
it is perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue & loneliness.
Beyond wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees & the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labours & aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery & broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful.

Strive to be happy.

Desiderata was written in 1927 by Max Ehrmann (1872-1945)

INTOXICATED

Feeling drunk
But not really
Feeling high
But not really
Feeling over-excited
Yup, definitely
Intoxicated

Excited?
Aroused?
Thrilled?
Dizzy?
Euphoric?
Intoxicated that's for sure

Can't sleep?
Don't remember what you had for lunch?
Can't think right?
Can't focus on your duties?
Can't get it out of your head?
Intoxicated

Can't stop thinkin'...
Can't stop wonderin'
Can't stop wishin'
No room for nothin' else
Or nobody else
Yup, intoxicated

There isn't an hour gone by,
without thinkin about him/her?
Or worse, a minute gone by,
without smiling at the thought of him/her?
Man! you got it bad!
You're intoxicated!

Wake up, right now...
Don't be dysfunctional
Cuz it can ruin your life
And all you've achieved

Warning: you'll be disappointed
When the "high" is lukewarm
Or even gone!
And you're left with nothin'
But memories to keep you goin'

Intoxication....
very dangerous physical and mental states to be in
If symptoms persist for a few days/weeks
You haven't got it that bad
For a few months, you've got it pretty bad
For years,you've got it bad! It's most likely love
For over 25 years,It's true love!
For "eternity",it's beyond description...
la vie est parfait!
If you've become dysfunctional or obssessed,contact a psychiatrist near you.
Have fun while it lasts ^.~

100% by Mathilda Feb 5, 2005

"2 bodies but 1 soul?"

Baby it's creepy
That I feel this way
I feel like...
I don't know...

It's so hard to explain
Like I've found the other half of me
The other half that...
I dreamed of becoming and finding
But didn't expect to...

I feel that
We complement each other so well
"Two bodies in one soul", you say
You read my mind
Everytime...

No words are needed
I can't hide nothin' from ya
You bring out the best in me
You seem to be that "perfect" man
Whom I'd almost given up hope in finding

Is this real?
Hell yeah... I think
You accepted me as I am
No "I'll love you more if..."
But only "Just as you are."

Unconditionally...
I thank God
For all the sorrow and joy in my life
The joy I feel
Of finding that other half of me... in you.

200% by Mathilda Feb 6, 2005

Heart of stone?

They say you've a heart of stone
you've no emotions whatsoever
But baby they're wrong
You've shown them
What you're capable of

They say unlucky is the gal
Who ends up with you
But I say unlucky is the gal
Who doesn't end up with you

Is this gonna last
Forever, hopefully
We'll never know

If our love is true
It can move mountains, you say
Used to think
what a jerk you were

Went thru my diary
To an entry about you
Which was my last entry

They say you've a heart of stone
you've no emotions whatsoever
But baby they're wrong
You're none of those things
You're special and unique

Used to think
what a jerk you were
But I saw thru it
I see gentleness
And a love so great

They say you've a heart of stone
you've no emotions whatsoever
But you ain't that way with me

Isn't it funny how people
can be changed for the better...
Thank you foreverything
But especially for
being the way you are...With me

100% by Mathilda Feb 9, 2005

What is Love?

Freestyle poem... inspired by Maw2's comment...

Love..oh what is love?
We can only guess
Love is in the air, says she...
Can I catch it? I ask...
It sure tastes good, while it lasts
Says she...

Oh well, I sure would like to taste it,
even for a brief moment
Says I...I've "tasted" it many many times be4
But ended up feeling disappointed
Cuz of my oh-so-high expectations, probably?

But I won't settle for less...
Cuz I know, there's a pot of gold at the end of my rainbow
And I'll only settle for the best (in my opinion)...
Or walk away empty handed...
With a wide smile on my face.

No I'm not in a hurry
And no, I don't feel I have to reach that pot of gold
At the end of my rainbow
Cuz I'll only settle for the best
Or walk away empty handed
With the widest smile on my face

Cuz I'll be happy and blessed either way
And either way, I win
Cuz I've tasted life:
I've tasted God's miracles
I've tasted mercy
I've tasted grace
I've tasted sorrow
I've tasted joy
And I've tasted compassion
And they're all worth living for!

So I'm gonna aim for the end of my rainbow
And if there's no pot of gold...
Oh well, at least I made the journey
And the journey is all that matters

100% by Mathilda ~January 31 2005

What is Love?

What is love?
No one knows for sure, but to me...
Loves makes you happy
Love makes you miserable
Love makes you wait impatiently
Love makes you believe
Love makes you doubt
Love breaks your heart...
But it also mends it
That's why we all go thru it again and again... fallin in "love"/"like"
Love makes you wanna be faithful
Love makes you cry
Love makes you hope
Love gives you butterflies
Love makes you laugh

Love motivates you
Love makes you "blind"
Love makes you wanna live
Love makes you wonder
Love gives you a headahce
Love gives you the courage to face the world
Love occupies your mind
Love makes you think

Love makes you stay
Love makes you run away
Love makes you wanna give and give...
But often hoping for something in return
Love makes you wanna be loved
Love makes you listen and pay attention
Love makes you creative

Love makes you daydream
Love is all around you
Love is lonely
Love drives you crazy
Love hurtsLove is good
Love is suicidal
Love understands
Love is accepting
Love is risky
Love makes you a better person

Love makes you wanna try your best
Love gives you a reason to live
Love is the MOST wanted "item" in life
Love is the reasonLove is the best thing in life
Without love, we are incomplete
Keep loving and hopefully be loved in return
Because without love, nothing matters, really...

By Mathilda, Sept 25, 2000... edited: December 17, 2004

Dare to Love?

Dare to Love?
By Mathilda. Feb 27, 2005... 10.30 pm

I sit and stare
The sky so dark and mysterious
Just like life and love
Who knows what the future holds

No words are needed
When we're one soul, you say...
It's so creepy
How we think alike

Sometimes I sit and reflect
That this is too creepy to be true
And you have yet another vision
Of you and I

Once again
I was speechless
Unable to get the words out
Cuz it's just too scary to be true

I hate it when you joke
If there's another in my life
I know that you
Just wanna hear me say:

That there's no one but you
Why don't you believe me?
Or is it because
You just want an affirmation?

Days gone by
Time flies when we talk
Love is a miracle
Too complicated to be expressed

Heart beats fast
Butterflies in the stomach
Mind wonders around
Smiles adorn the face

Oh what is this?
Could it be?
Oh it doesn't matter anyway
As long as I'm happy

No empty promises
No romatic words
No unrealistic dreams
Just this I know...

Let it flow
Doesn't matter where we end up
What matters is the journey
And the chance we dare take

I know nothing
In this game of love
Where heartache awaits
Those who dare love

Sometimes I feel
That I'm still holding back
But you hold nothing back
How can you be so sure...

What we have
Is here and now
Come as you are
And I'll come as I am

Dearest Fren

Dearest friend By Mathilda November 7 2004

Life's full of painLife's full of sorrow
But ya see, that's the beauty of it
Not so beautiful at the time, of course
And that's also what's amazing about it

Know always that...
You never ever walk this journey alone
Yes, that's right, you are never alone
It may feel lonely and bitter
But if you would only realize that...
There is a higher force holding you together
So you'd never fall apart

All you gotta do is
Call upon Him
And He will be there surrounding you and inside you
To make everything right again
He will never desert you...
Oh, no no no...
He created you...
If you create something so beautiful and unique
Will you not care for that creation?
Of course you will!
Then He will always hold you up and love you, now matter what

It's at times of suffering and hardship... like this time...
That He carries you
And that's why...
You only see one set of footprints on the sand
And those footprints are not yours

Life's full of pain
Life's full of sorrow
But it's also full of smiles
Life's full of love, full of happiness
Full of questions but not enough answers
Full of mystery... full of everything

Life will not be worth living
Without the pain and the bitterness,
Because then you will never know how much you are loved... or who your true friends are
And you will never reach your full potential
So ride the ride, walk the walk, and run the race...

Embrace life ... with open arms
Because it is so precious that nobody and nothing can take it away from you
Only if you let them be
So pay no mind to those little devils around you that keep dragging you down
Fly higher and chase your dreams
And never ever let anything hold you back
Wishing your happiness,
Mathilda

Bull

Bull -By Mathilda August 30 2004

So life's full of crap.
Alright... I can take that.
I have no clue what the future will be like,
So I'm just gonna live my life as best I know how.

Will you all help me get through this crap?
I'm sure of that
So life's full of bull.
Ok, but it is also full of... life itself...
Are you confused? Me too

But I know that there is no point in crying endlessly,
it won't make it alright again
What do I know about life's mysteries?
Not much, really...very little in fact.
So what do I do now?
I gotta get up and run...life is short

Y'all out there, go live your life
And don't waste it on worthless things
That don't bring nothing but misery
Be kind, be compassionate, be loving
Loving hurts, but that's the only way to live
So keep loving and hope to be loved in return
Now go live life to the full!

Kindness

Be kind...why not? by Mathilda- August 30 2004

Kindness...what is it?
It sure feels good and it doesn't hurt a bit...
A "hi, how are you?",
a simple "Please" and "thank you"
can make you feel worthy

A smile from a stranger can make your day
A "You can go first" can make anyone feel special
A "Here, you dropped your wallet" can make anyone feel lucky
A "Let me help you carry your stuff" lets you know that there is still goodness in the world.
A "Call me if you need help" makes you realize that you have friends who truly care
Kindness...pass it on

When you plant seeds of kindness, they will grow
And when one day you need a helping hand
Many hands will be glad to help
And you will say "I'm the happiest person on earth"
So be kind... you have nothing to lose

Grow old with you

My True Love by Mathilda... July 14 2004- Taken from my incomplete novel

I want you in my life
I want to grow old with you
I will die for you

I will love you forever
I will cherish you forever
I will make you see, that my love is true

No one will love you
The way I love you
There's nothing in this world
That can tear us apart

When our love is true
We shall conquer every challenge
When you're sick, I will nurse you
When you're blind, I will guide you
When you cry, I will comfort you

I will take care of you and make you strong
When you're wrinkled and forty pounds heavier
I will stay by your side and let you know
That you are beautiful to me
And you are all I need

The Perfect man

The "Perfect" Man- By Mathilda... July 18 2004...Taken from my incomplete novel

The perfect man... ahh
Is there such a thing?
I don't think so

We all have our charms... and flaws
We look everywhere and everytime
To find the perfect one
Who will make things right
But less time looking for the right one
Who will make things perfect...for us anyway

You may know who's right for you
But life's full of surprises
Things don't always go your way

Most often, you feel disappointed
But life's like that
There ain't much you can do to change things
Let alone change people

What you can do is be the best for the person you love
And that person will try to be the best for you
In this game of love

What we have is the here and now
And right here and right now,
You're the one for me
And I wanna spend this moment with you

A moment like this...
Some people wait a lifetime
Some people search forever

Search no more
Happiness is no mystery
It's here and now
It's you and me